Michael Bywater would like to apologize for everything

independentRoy Greenslade spotted an amusing apology in the letters section of the Independent (UK). It’s written by the author of this Independent article:

Salman Rushdie: an apology
In my essay on the apology culture (12 February) I wrote, in the heat of the moment, that Sir Salman Rushdie went to Oundle. I now realise that Sir Salman went to Rugby. I wish to apologise unreservedly to Sir Salman for any offence the word “Oundle” may have caused him. I also wish to apologise to people who went to Oundle, for suggesting that being said to have gone to Oundle when in fact you went to Rugby might be offensive.
I also wish to apologise unreservedly to Rugby School, its staff, pupils and alumni, for suggesting that Sir Salman Rushdie was an old boy of an entirely different school. Finally, I wish to apologise to Eton, Harrow, Winchester and any other notable British school to which Sir Salman might have gone had his parents not decided on Rugby.
I also wish to apologise for a slip of the keyboard, so that I referred to Islam’s disparate “oral theologies” not “moral theologies”, which was what I meant. I should apologise, too, for . . . Oh, to hell with it. Everyone: I apologise for everything.
Michael Bywater
Cambridge

Also notable is the letter published underneath Bywater’s:

Michael Bywater should apologise for writing, “Your a twat”, a phrase I find particularly offensive. It’s “You’re a twat.” Idiot. (Sorry.)
Eccy de Jonge
London WC1

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