A pseudo-apology
From a football (soccer) column in The Guardian:
This
column might have given the erroneous impression that it does not
revere the legendary football manager, Sven Goran-Eriksson. The
Guardian wishes to apologise to Mr Eriksson for any distress caused,
and is happy to clarify that he is the manager of the season 2007-08,
the only coach to have done the double with three clubs in three
countries, the modern master tactician and Sweden’s greatest babe
magnet, bar none.
Svennis, I’m so, so, so, so, so
sorry. I shouldn’t have compared you to Death in The Seventh Seal,
shouldn’t have called you frigid, lily-livered and deluded, or harked
on about your Cuban heels, or made gratuitous references to your
Zeus-like libido, or been catty about the sweet dream that you were
managing Manchester United, or questioned your ingenious scouting on
YouTube. I was foolish, Svennis, an ignoramus. Glib. Just a stupid
football fan wantonly giving you sticks.
My
colleagues advised me to wait at least three games before apologising.
But that would be wrong. One game in, and you already have my heart. I
have not been so exhilarated since Dennis Tueart scored with overhead
kicks in three successive games and Colin Bell streaked on to the pitch
at half-time singing If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body (Would You Hold
it Against Me).
Sven is playing fantasy football.
In two weeks he has bought the ingredients for a divine footballing
cake and baked it to holy perfection…
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