Return of the British pseudo-apology

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David Graveney says critics of the England coach should now write to say sorry.Simon Barnes tries very, very hard indeed…
I
am indebted to David Graveney, your chairman of selectors, for
suggesting that I write you a letter of apology. He says that such
things never happen in the media; it is important for us all here at
The Times to show how wrong he is.

I have,
indeed, said some harsh things about you and about the England team you
coached during the trip to Australia. I have, for example, said that
England’s record in one-day cricket under your stewardship was woeful
and was likely only to get worse.

You have
proved me wrong in a delightfully unexpected way. England have won four
one-day matches on the trot, beating Australia, the world champions,
three times in succession. As a result, England won the Commonwealth
Bank Series, one of the most ancient and prestigious competitions in
world sport. Your team have a trophy and an infinitely bigger and more
imposing one than the Ashes urn.

A nation
rejoices and, as Mr Graveney implies, I am forced to change my views on
what went before. All of us who criticised you and your team must now
ask ourselves: "Does it really matter that England were beaten 5-0 in
the Test series? Does it really matter that the Ashes were surrendered?
Does it really matter that this was England’s worst showing in a Test
series in Australia since 1921?"

I think
the implication of Mr Graveney’s epistolary demand is that I -and
others who have criticised you and your team -should admit that we were
wrong and eat a fair amount of humble pie.

For
example, I was of the view that Monty Panesar should play in the first
Test. I believed that picking Ashley Giles sent the message to the
Australians that England were running scared. I also believed that
failing to pick Panesar for the second Test was piling folly on folly.

I
also believed that England went into the Test series underprepared,
that in bending over backwards to keep the players happy, you failed to
mount a significant challenge for the Ashes. But I have to confess that
I was wrong on all these counts. I now see that England’s 5-0 defeat
was one of those flukes that occasionally happen to brilliant teams who
are perfectly prepared. The fact that they happen more often to
ill-selected and poorly prepared teams is irrelevant.

The
fact that the undercooked Stephen Harmison sent the first ball of the
series straight to second slip must also be overlooked, even if it did
set the tone for the series.

I have also
been slow to admit that Giles took three wickets for 262 runs in his
two matches. I have been too eager to point out that Giles dropped
Ricky Ponting on 35 in the second Test; it was merely a coincidence
that Ponting went on to make 142 and England suffered their most
traumatic defeat in cricket history. I now see that the fact that
Panesar took eight wickets in the third Test only vindicates your
decision in holding him back for Perth.

I admit that I felt that England losing the Ashes series 5-0 was a poor result.
But
now, thanks to Mr Graveney, I realise that I attached too much
importance to the competition. The fact that the Ashes lit up the
entire country in the glorious summer of 2005 had gone to my head;
likewise, the fact that the Ashes 2006-07 was the most eagerly awaited
Test series in history.

I should be able
to laugh off such a thing. Sure, the 5-0 defeat was disappointing, but
it paved the way to victory in the Commonwealth Bank Series, didn’t it?
What more could anyone want? And if England go on and win the World Cup
that starts next month, won’t that make it all worthwhile? Won’t it be
the culmination of a masterplan?

I have
suggested, Duncan, that you took England to the most humiliating Test
series in Australia for 86 years, that you took a punt on damaged
players being fit and lost, that you failed to pick a proven
match-winning spinner, preferring a decent trier who can bat a bit,
that you picked a wicketkeeper for his batting even though his batting
had gone, that you took a team woefully short of preparation and so
made a gift of the first Test, from which your side never recovered.

I
apologise for having said all these things. I apologise from the bottom
of my heart -because you brought us the Commonwealth Bank Series trophy.

England’s
tour to Australia was a triumph! Anyone who denies this is a fool! And
I, fool that I was, had the temerity, the blindness and the
impertinence to criticise your handling of a Test team, merely because
they lost the Ashes series 5-0 in such a humiliating fashion. Can I
ever apologise enough?

Yours in sport, Simon
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